More Ramble

Does Puffy know the meaning of the word "unforgivable"? Based on the commercial for his new cologne, I'm pretty sure he doesn't:

It's a control she has over me. I can't live without her. She's unforgivable."

Puff is really just too good.

Could Clay from Newport Harbor have gotten a worse answer when trying to determine the fidelity of his long distance girlfriend, Chrissy? He asks her if she has hooked up with any guys at college to which she responds first with silence and then, 'I haven't met anyone I REALLY like, I've just met so many new people.' Followed by awkward silence. Hmmm. So you're saying you slept with A LOT of people? I don't know, it wouldn't have been the answer I'd be looking for. Speaking of Newport Harbor, I realize all the fringe characters on these reality shows have to get involved in certain things so as to "narrate" the plot, BUT Chrissy's dad has officially entered the Joe Simpson club for creepy dads. Reeeeeeeaaaal weeeird...
If you don't watch Newport Harbor, sorry but I felt like talking about it.

Here's a mildly interesting/amusing/disturbing anecdote from travels today. I'm sitting in 30th Street Station (Philly) waiting for my train to NY--just chillin, eating some Auntie Ann's pretzel sticks (I prefer them over the whole pretzel because they don't seem to soak up massive amounts of butter like the full pretzel does). Well, i get done all but one of the sticks and I just can't finish and I go throw them out. The one stick is completely untouched and looks like Filet Mignon to a homeless cat, so I leave the container on the edge surrounding the trash receptacle (yup, that's the kind of guy I am. I look out for the homeless as long as they stay out of my face). Anyway, I go sit back down on a bench and wait for the satisfactory moment of some needy dude eating my pretzel stick. 5 minutes later some average looking, older woman with a messenger bag around her shoulder walks by, picks up my pretzel stick, takes a bite, and then grabs a napkin (I threw out about 3 or 4 fresh ones--if you think I should've put them back in the pile so someone else could use them and save trees then well, FUCK YOUUUUUUU loser) from the trash can and moves on. I was in shock. I followed her path with my eyes to make sure she wasn't one of those homeless people who just haven't gone over the edge of dirtiness and derangement yet. If she scopes any of the next 3 trashcans she has to pass then all is excused. Here's the thing--she ends up walking and conversing with some other woman and it becomes very clear she is there to board a train....!!! WTF man! This woman just grabbed an unknown pretzel stick, ate it, and then wiped her mouth with a napkin from the trash. This just furthers my thesis that Reality is the greatest reality show on earth--people are too classic.

It's clementine season boys and girls. Go out and get yourself a case.

Quotation of the Day

"With everything that has happened, obviously the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel like she's kind of taken his focus away...Other than that, she was hot on my list until last week."--TO


Man I miss this guy...

Text of the Week

This is a new section I'm going to try include in my blog. The text of the week is an actual text message received by me or someone I'm friends with.

This week's text of the week:

"Was born a girl with a voice. I'm relieved actually. Anytime u get fired u should say thank u."

I'm not EXACTLY sure what this person is talking about (or whether she knows what she is talking about), but I really wish I had said thank you when I got fired. Genius...

[Note: Notice I wrote "thank you" not "thank u." It's troubling to me that this person used the letter "u" rather than the word "you" because it suggests to me that's she' s one of those people who still uses the ABC function rather than itap or T9 when typing texts. People who use the ABC function (and I'm friends with some of them unfortunately) are like people you see in the Cash Only toll lane on the highway because they don't have EZ-Pass. Look, I know they're not hurting anyone but themselves, but it's like, What the Fuck? Grow up! You're sittin there asking your girlfriend to make sure you have exact change because that line is shorter than the Cash lane??? Take 5 minutes to stick a piece of plastic to your windshield...God!]

I am speechless. Really...

Spears is pregnant--Jamie Lynn (16) not Britney.

http://omg.yahoo.com/jamie-lynn-spears-says-shes-pregnant/news/4928

WTF man? I like how Jamie Lynn has decided she will raise her child in Louisiana so it can have a normal life. Definitely. The child of a 16 year old TV star who happens to be the close sister of the world's biggest train wreck is definitely going to live a normal life being raised in Louisiana. "Have Mercy" (That's in quotes because I said it in the Uncle Jesse from Full House voice).

I'm not sure if the guy pictured with Jamie Lynn at her prom is the father of her baby, but even more classic if he is.

Getting Honest w/your Playlist

There always comes a time when you need to take stock of your life and all of the things that have accumulated because of it. Like the cell phone. You know what I'm talking about--every few months it's good to get serious and clean house. You're never calling Tanya with the Minnesota area code (you remember, you met her at 3am at that diner in NYC WAAAAASTED--she was in town for the weekend. No tag, but DEFINITELY wanted to hang out sometime...) and let's get real, she's never calling you. So man up and delete that number. Joe G, your buddy from college who you haven't spoken to in forever, yeah you can delete his number too. If you really wanna get a hold of him you can go ahead and email him.

Personally I don't have to go through this self assessment process that often because I break or lose my cell phones frequently enough that I don't really get the build up of useless numbers. But the rest of you, you should take stock once in a while.

Well, as I was riding the train up to NYC this past weekend, it dawned on me that taking stock isn't just about the cell phone. You gotta look at the ipod too. This revelation hit me as I was skipping over Saturday Night's Alright for about the 30th time in the last 2 months. I realized something. I don't like that song. I don't think I ever did. And then I realized there were a bunch of Elton John songs on my playlist that I really could not stand--Crocodile Rock, Bennie and the Jets?? These songs are just annoying and I demand to know how they got there.

Was Elton John the Tanya of my playlist? Couldn't be. This is the man who gave me hours of serene entertainment with Tiny Dancer, Daniel, Levon(my personal favorite perhaps), Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters... No, the Tanya analogy doesn't work for Elton John.

The better analogy is to look at the Elton John songs as a collection of people you know. A few were your good friends (Tiny Dancer, Levon, etc.) The rest were friends of those friends. Yeah, when you were all hanging out together they were cool enough, but that time you decided to roll out to a bar with just the fringe guys you realized they just weren't that cool...Time to cut the strings man. You don't need their numbers in your phone and you sure as hell don't need Bennie and the Jets poppin up on your ipod. Trust me.

It's not just the ipod either. We have tons of superfluous stuff in our lives that can be cut. So go ahead. Take stock of your life and all that has accumulated. Get rid of "Milan" from your cell phone, drop I Love Rock n Roll from your ipod. Throw out that stupid hat.

Trust me you'll be better off for it.

Mitchell Report

The Mitchell Report, George Mitchell's report on performance enhancing drug use in baseball said to name BIG names, will be released today. Everyone is speculating who is going to be listed and going nuts about it. Frankly who cares. The greatest baseball player of all time has already admitted using it (Bonds) and we (or at least I) have already assumed the majority of great players are using HGH or something like it. ESPN is reporting that one of the big names is going to be Roger Clemens (seen above). SHOCKING!!!!!!! No, wait, not shocking at all. I'm pretty sure it's just been assumed that Clemens was on performance enhancing drugs for the last decade--so who cares that he's listed now? I mean, I guess there is some satisfaction in having his fat face have to answer to specific evidence, but what is it really going to change?

Bonds continued to play and break the most sacred record in baseball (speaking of records, I still say the record that will never be broken is the 56 game hit streak) and I'll bet in some years he'll be inducted to the Hall of Fame. Does anyone think MLB is going to suspend a slew of all stars and potential hall of famers when they get listed in the report? I don't really see it happening. If they do, it won't be for any substantial amount of time. Is the legacy of someone like Clemens going to change because of this report? I don't really see it happening.

Someone forwarded me an email today where the author said he loved the steroid era (loved the Home Runs, the controversy and all the sports talk it created). I completely disagree. Is the offensive production more interesting? Probably. That said, wondering which players are cheating with drugs has left me with LESS respect for and LESS interest in the game, not more. As for the talk it generates (here's a blog entry that doesn't exist without it), I generally think it's tired and only turns me off from the sport of baseball more (am i hypocrite now for writing this?). Before the steroids scandal peaked and I was naive, I used to get into baseball--I watched Sportscenter to see if Sammy or Mcgwire hit another homer (yes, very naive I suppose--or maybe refusing to believe at first) or if Louis Castillo was still chasing the consecutive hits record. Now? I care about two things--my home team (Phillies) and my fantasy team. I blame steroids and the lack of integrity/accountability of baseball for this. So you say, shouldn't the Mitchell report be important to me then? No. Because it's not going to change anything.

YESSSSSSSSS

Tila Tequila is apparently some kind of rap superstar (you know in addition to being a myspace LEGEND!). The unintentional comedy (thanks sports guy) is way high on this one.

I still can't decide if I think Tila Tequila is hot or not. I mean, she's got an amazing body and she's got a really cute face, but there's something decidedly unattractive about her. Maybe it's her uppity attitude. Or maybe it's the thought that she's probably slept with about 1,000 guys in her life. Not to mention all the women she sleeps with right? Wrong. She's not a lesbian, and the whole show is a sham cause she's had and still has a long term boyfriend (I'd post the link to this non breaking news but I'm too lazy). Whatever, I don't even think it's her promiscuity. I think it's just her overall trashiness and annoyingness (yes, annoyingness)

Here's a general rule--don't ever get a tattoo that's filled in with color. They RARELY RARELY look good. Don't get me wrong, there are definite exceptions to the rule (I'm not sure I've seen one yet, but I know they're out there), but a big red heart on the tricep of some 85lb girl is definitely not one of them.

Ramble On

Last week I was in the doctor's office for a check up. Afterwards, the Doctor tells me she'd like to see me again in 1 year (OK, normal enough). Then her assistant starts booking my appointment--for a year from now...She actually says, "Does 10:30am work? Or do you need something later in the day?" Huh? We are talking about a year from now right? Honestly, I can't tell you where I'm going to be living in a year, let alone what hour of the day is best for my appointment. I just found the whole thing weird.

People are annoying. If you like someone it's because they are an exception to that rule or you want to sleep with them.

If you reply "Maybe" or some variation to an evite you should rethink yourself. You're not important enough for anyone to care that you might come. I'll not reply to an invitation before I'll reply maybe. Maybe I'm just nuts here--I don't know.

There is a comment section on this blog. If you're reading my blog and you want to make a comment go ahead and do it.

Assholes

I'm not one of those self righteous people, and I'm definitely not PC. That said, this is a joke. I think what bothers me as much as (probably more than) the offensive nature of the costumes, is this douche bag's response:

"It's not that it was funny, it's that we are notorious and infamous in the state college, so we have to do things that push the envelope just for shock value," he said.

He also offered up this defense as well. "The thing is, everybody's making a big stink about Virginia Tech. Virginia Tech was 32 deaths out of the 26 thousand that happen in America everyday," he said. "That's the problem with college students. They all live in an ivory tower of privilege. They don't understand, when it all boils down to it, it's someone wearing a costume."

I'm sure this fag is "famous" across Penn State's costume...And that bit about kids in living in an ivory tower of privilege...Oh man, I want to punch this kid in the face.

Dec. 10 Quotation of the Day

"Can you write...good?"--Lisa Love, Editor, Teen Vogue (apparently grammar not as important for some magazine editors)

Dec. 7 Video of the Day (NSFW)

This is too funny, i'm sorry.

Dec. 7 Links of the Day

Now if they would just stop leaving you on the runway for 8 hours...
http://www.engadget.com/2007/12/06/jetblue-introduces-free-in-flight-email-im/

Somewhat interesting baseball contract clauses
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/10196

This blows away Rockefeller Center's Christmas Tree
http://www.tmz.com/2007/12/07/merry-christmas-from-pac-man/

Can we expect to see Santa Clause on the next episode of How to Catch a Predator???
http://www.networkworld.com/news/2007/120407-microsoft-santa-bot.html

Brody and Lauren Not really together???

http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2007/12/brody-jenner-denies-lauren-conrad-romance-rumors/

Wait. You mean not all of the story lines on the Hills are real? I feel so lost...

A whole bunch of girls read this story (I mean on other sites obviously, because I don't have a whole bunch of girl readers) and got really excited because Brody is single. A whole bunch of guys would have read this story and got real excited if it were 2004. I mean seriously, isn't it scary when you look at a 21 year old and think, "Man she's not aging too well"? There's something a little off about LC. I don't know, maybe it's just her annoying personna on the show that makes me feel this way. Like the way she's always making these facial expressions--it's like a producer was trying to get her to be a better actress and said "try to communicate what you're saying or feeling with your eyes." Now we get 2-3 eye rolls, long stares per episode from LC.

Alright, on a related note, a friend of mine (RUBO what up) recently put an email out ranking the girls of the Hills in order of hotness. Here's my current list:
1)Whitney
2)Jen Bunny
3)LC
4)Lo (yeah, she's definitely lost a step or two, but i still got a spot in my heart for her)
5)Heidi
6)Audrina

RIP Chip Reese

http://news.bostonherald.com/news/obituaries/general/view.bg?articleid=1048974

LAS VEGAS - David "Chip" Reese, whose plans for a Stanford University business school degree were sidetracked by his success at high-stakes poker in Las Vegas, died in his sleep. He was 56.

Reese was found by his son early Tuesday at his Las Vegas home after suffering from symptoms of pneumonia, said poker great Doyle Brunson, his longtime friend.

"I knew him for 35 years, I never saw him get mad or raise his voice," Brunson said. "He had the most even disposition of anyone I’ve ever met. He’s certainly the best poker player that ever lived."

After attending Dartmouth College, Reese was on his way to Stanford in the early 1970s when he stopped by a Las Vegas poker room and won big, said World Series of Poker media director Nolan Dalla.

"He just accidentally stumbled into Las Vegas and never left," Dalla said.

His immediate success at cash games and low-key persona won him friends, even among those who wound up passing him their chips.

Despite winning three World Series champion’s bracelets over the last four decades, including a $1.8 million HORSE event in 2005 that combines five poker disciplines, Reese focused on high-stakes cash games away from the limelight.

"I’ve seen him with a million dollars in front of him," said Dalla, describing how Reese would put out racks of $5,000 chips "like he was betting a few bucks."

Reese was part of a generation of players in the 1970s who challenged established greats like Brunson, Thomas "Amarillo Slim" Preston Jr. and Walter Clyde "Puggy" Pearson, Dalla said.

Brunson and Reese eventually became business partners, investing in everything from oil wells and mining to TV stations and racehorses and becoming sports betting consultants.

None of the ventures was successful, Brunson said.

"We went to look for the Titanic. We went to look for Noah’s Ark. We were two of the biggest suckers whenever it came to business, but we both had poker to fall back on," Brunson said. "Thank God we could play, so we always survived."

Reese’s prowess at both cash and tournament play was cemented with his 2005 win, said World Series of Poker commissioner Jeffrey Pollack.

"Many consider Chip the greatest cash-game player who ever lived," Pollack said in a statement. "His victory in the inaugural $50,000 buy-in HORSE championship ... made him a part of WSOP lore forever."

In addition to his son, Reese is survived by a daughter and a stepdaughter, Brunson said. He was recently divorced from his wife.

Services are planned for Friday in Las Vegas, Brunson said.

Don't be Hating

9th Grade Whore on Maury - Watch more free videos

You gotta hand it to Maury Povich. At some point he looked around at his competition (Montell, Oprah at the time, Riki Lake etc.) and was like, "Fuck it, What's the point." Then he dropped any thoughts of doing a serious show and focused on two ideas: teenage girls who do drugs and sleep with lots of guys, and paternity tests for women who have multiple candidates for their baby's father.

A typical Maury Povich staff meeting lasts five minutes. Maury stands up and says, "A or B guys?" Then someone picks a piece of paper from a hat and if it has an "A" on it, the producers make arrangements to get a 12 year old drug dealing/selling, sexually active bully on the show. If it's a "B" they fly out a trailer trash or ghetto 200lb pregnant woman who slept with at least 3 guys during the period where her baby was conceived along with one of the baby's potential fathers. It's a simple system and it works...

Look to my videos of the day section for some classic paternity test episodes. Just too good.

Dec. 5 Links of the Day

So wack what people will to do to get high, just to get high (check out the cat above all hopped up on....yup, toad venom) :
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/weird_news/20071204_ap_copsmoresmoketoadvenomtogethigh.html

And just in case any of you sickos wanna give it a try, don't worry--the Internet provides a helpful how to:
http://www.erowid.org/animals/toads/toads_writings2.shtml

Wing Bowl (a Philadelphia sports talk station 610 am tradition--hot wings eating contest accompanied by girls acting like strippers and 18 thousand Philly sports fans getting wasted at 6 in the morning) is back and thus begins the tryouts for wing eaters:

http://www.philly.com/philly/sports/wingbowl/


Have to appreciate the drama sports betting adds to an NFL game:
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/12/04/did-the-new-york-giants-risk-losing-the-game-to-cover-the-spread/#more-2147


How is it that all these teachers who have sex w/their young students are usually really good looking? I just don't get it:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071205/ap_on_re_us/teacher_sex;_ylt=Ah1Ui5soFItoP0T75AvUgsBvzwcF

December 5 Quotation of the Day

"Your friends don't fathom me at all"--Justin Bobby

Now tune into the Motha fucking Greatest

A friend of mine recently suggested that I start a blog. It wouldn't actually be my first blog--about 2 years ago I toyed with the concept a little bit before getting too lazy to actually contribute anything meaningful. I think I managed to get a few decent things down there in my short life as a blogger. Feel free to check it out at bgils.blogs.friendster.com (terrible domain name i know)--i suggest you read my running diary of Live Aid. Gold baby!

Anyway, I think my last blog attempt had limited appeal. Sure, my witty prose was certainly entertaining for my 3 or 4 (OK, 1 or 2) readers, but it didn't offer enough entertainment. Today's world demands more, and I'm prepared to give it to them. So, what I'm going to do with this site is to provide not only the BGILS rants and ramblings my friends know and love, but also content designed to help all of you get through your work day. Perhaps some links to interesting/funny/entertaining articles. Maybe a few pictures worth looking at. Some celeb gossip. Basically, I've got the time to run the gamut of websites (tyler durden, superficial, perezhilton, drudgereport, espn.com, yahoo, cnnfn, etc.) and find the stuff that's worth looking at. You? You just get to benefit from the fact that I have the time.

If you're looking for serious diatribe on religion or politics or the like, well I'd suggest you look elsewhere. My view on life is centered on having a good time, living generally care free and acting like a jackass in the process.

Alright, well now you know what this blog is going to be about. I'm gonna go ahead and get started on the content. Consider yourself warned.